Questioning ADHD: Understanding Symptoms, Shame, and Support
If you’ve ever wondered whether ADHD might explain some of your struggles, you’re not alone. Many adults, especially millennial women, reach a point where they start asking: “Is this just me, or could it be ADHD?” Maybe you’ve spent years feeling disorganized, scattered, or constantly behind. Maybe you’ve been told you’re lazy, flaky, or not living up to your potential—and deep down, those words sting because you’ve been trying so hard. These experiences can create a cycle of shame, self-doubt, and people-pleasing, leaving you unsure of who you are without the constant pressure to measure up.
As a Federal Way Therapist, I often work with clients who come to therapy wondering if ADHD could be at the root of their challenges. Naming and understanding ADHD doesn’t just bring clarity; it also opens the door to compassion and change.
Common Symptoms of ADHD in Adults
ADHD isn’t just about being “hyper” or “distracted.” It shows up in subtle, nuanced ways that often get overlooked, especially in adults. You might find yourself constantly misplacing things, forgetting appointments, or struggling to keep your space organized. Deadlines may sneak up on you no matter how much you care, and tasks that feel overwhelming may get avoided until the last minute. Emotional regulation is also a big piece—maybe small frustrations feel huge, or you experience intense highs and lows that others don’t seem to notice.
For many adults, ADHD also shows up in relationships. You might interrupt without meaning to, zone out in conversations, or feel guilty because your friends or partner think you’re not listening. On top of this, there’s often a deep well of shame from years of being told you’re not trying hard enough. The truth is, ADHD has nothing to do with effort or intelligence. It’s about how your brain processes attention, emotion, and time.
How People-Pleasing Increases Shame Around ADHD
For those with ADHD, people-pleasing can become a way of masking struggles. Maybe you say yes to projects at work because you don’t want to disappoint your boss, even though you’re already stretched thin. Maybe you’re always the reliable friend, offering to help others even when you’re overwhelmed. On the surface, it looks like kindness and responsibility. Underneath, it’s often fueled by fear—fear of being seen as lazy, unreliable, or too much. The pressure to perform for others can heighten shame when ADHD symptoms inevitably get in the way. Over time, people-pleasing becomes exhausting, reinforcing the belief that you’re constantly letting others down.
Exploring Treatment Options
The good news is that ADHD is treatable, and support can make a world of difference. Therapy is one path that many find especially helpful. A therapist can work with you to explore your symptoms, break patterns of shame, and develop strategies that actually fit your brain. In therapy Federal Way, WA, the focus isn’t on fixing you—it’s on helping you understand yourself and build tools that feel sustainable.
Medication is another option that some people explore, often in combination with therapy. Stimulant or non-stimulant medications can help regulate focus and attention, making it easier to follow through on tasks. Lifestyle supports—like exercise, nutrition, and adequate sleep—also play a role in managing ADHD, though they are not a cure on their own. Many people also benefit from ADHD coaching, peer support groups, or digital tools designed to help with organization and time management.
Summary
ADHD symptoms in adults include difficulty with organization, focus, emotional regulation, and time management.
Many people with ADHD develop people-pleasing patterns to mask symptoms and avoid criticism, which often increases shame.
Treatment options include therapy, medication, lifestyle adjustments, and coaching or support groups.
Be well,
Katie
If you’re ready to explore the possibility of ADHD and manage your symptoms, book a free consultation today!
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