How to Tell When a Therapist Is the Right Fit: A Guide from a Federal Way Therapist
Starting therapy can feel both exciting and overwhelming. You might already know you want support—maybe around people-pleasing, anxiety, body image, or navigating difficult relationships—but figuring out if a therapist is the right fit is another story. You’ve probably been told to “just find someone” without much guidance on how to actually know if the relationship will work for you. The truth is: the connection between you and your therapist is one of the most important factors in your healing.
As a Federal Way Therapist who specializes in helping women prioritize their needs, I want to share how you can tell when a therapist is right for you, what red flags to notice, and questions to ask a new therapist so you feel empowered in the process. Whether you’re new to therapy or you’ve tried it before, this guide will help you trust your gut and make a choice that supports your growth.
Why the Therapist-Client Fit Matters
Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. Even the most skilled therapist won’t be the right match for everyone and that’s okay. The best therapy relationships are built on trust, safety, and a sense of being truly seen. When you feel comfortable opening up, you’re more likely to explore deeper emotions, challenge unhelpful patterns, and build healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
If you’ve ever been in a situation where you didn’t feel heard—whether at work, in friendships, or in family dynamics—you know how discouraging that can be. Therapy should be the opposite of that. A good therapeutic relationship feels collaborative, validating, and empowering.
Signs a Therapist Might Be a Good Fit
Here are a few ways to know if your therapist is aligned with your needs:
You feel safe to be yourself. You don’t have to censor or “perform” in session. Instead, you notice you can take a breath and speak openly.
They validate your experiences. A good therapist acknowledges your feelings and perspective, even if they also challenge you gently when needed.
They respect your boundaries. Your therapist should never pressure you to share more than you’re ready to or push past your limits.
You feel seen and understood. Even if your therapist doesn’t share your exact background, you feel like they “get it” and are making the effort to understand.
There’s a sense of collaboration. Therapy shouldn’t feel like a lecture. Instead, you and your therapist work as a team to explore, problem-solve, and create new possibilities.
Questions to Ask a New Therapist
It’s completely normal (and healthy!) to ask questions when you’re considering starting therapy with someone. This helps you gather the information you need while also giving you a sense of how the therapist responds to curiosity and boundaries. Here are some questions you can bring to a consultation or first session:
What experience do you have working with clients who share my concerns?
This helps you know if the therapist has supported people with similar struggles.How do you approach therapy?
Some therapists use a more structured style, while others are more conversational. Understanding their approach helps you decide if it fits your personality.What is your stance on social justice, identity, or cultural awareness?
If these values are important to you, it’s fair to ask how your therapist integrates them into their work.How do you handle it if I don’t agree with you or feel misunderstood?
This question shows you how open they are to feedback and repair, which is essential in any healthy relationship.What does progress in therapy usually look like with you?
Hearing how they measure progress can clarify expectations and help you decide if their style resonates with you.
Red Flags to Pay Attention To
Just as there are signs of a good fit, there are also red flags that may mean the therapist isn’t right for you:
You feel judged, shamed, or dismissed during sessions.
The therapist dominates the conversation without leaving space for you.
Your values or identities feel ignored or minimized.
You consistently leave sessions feeling worse without a sense of direction.
It’s worth noting that therapy can sometimes feel uncomfortable, growth usually does! But there’s a difference between healthy discomfort (exploring vulnerable topics) and unhealthy dynamics (feeling unsafe, unseen, or invalidated).
Trusting Your Gut
At the end of the day, your intuition matters. If something feels off, pay attention. On the other hand, if you notice a sense of relief or connection after meeting with a therapist, that’s worth honoring too. Therapy is an investment of your time, energy, and money so you deserve a therapist who supports you fully.
As someone offering therapy in Federal Way, WA, I believe that finding the right therapist is less about choosing the “perfect” person and more about finding someone who helps you feel safe, respected, and capable of growth.
Summary
The fit between therapist and client is one of the most important factors in therapy outcomes.
Signs of a good fit include feeling safe, validated, respected, and understood.
Ask questions about the therapist’s style, approach, and competency around your identity and culture
Red flags include feeling judged, dismissed, or consistently unsafe in sessions.
Trust your intuition when deciding whether a therapist is right for you.
Be well,
Katie
If you’re in WA State and looking for a therapist who offers a safe, judgement-free space to heal, book a consultation today!
Have questions about counseling in Federal Way? Check out the FAQ page for more info.